It’s inevitable that, at some point during your apartment living career, you will be neighbors with a couple whose sex is so enthusiastic you’re convinced they’re training for a new Olympic event.

You’ll complain to your friends that you have the worst neighbors ever, but beneath your bellyaching you’ll also be jealous of their coital prowess. While they’re twisted into configurations you’ve never even heard of, you’re in bed eating overpriced snacks from the bodega downstairs and searching sex acts on Urban Dictionary.

DNAInfo decided to map NYC’s noisiest nookie using the city’s 311 system. “Irritated and sleep-deprived New Yorkers filed more than 100 complaints to 311 about their neighbors having loud sex in 2014,” DNAInfo explains. The heat map shows the worst offenders.

Screen Shot 2015-04-22 at 7.37.14 PMDNAInfo

The most clamorous of NYC’s carnal activity is going down in Brooklyn, which logged 42 complaints. Queens came second with 37, followed by the Bronx with 31 and Manhattan with 23. Staten Island didn’t have a single complaint, so presumably its residents are either celibate or really into ball gags.

One building in particular stood out for its deafening doin’ it: 7201 Ridge Boulevard in Bay Ridge.

Screen Shot 2015-04-22 at 7.45.20 PMDNAInfo

A super-satisfied couple there had 6 complaints lodged against them in the last year, more than anyone else in the entire city. DNAInfo spoke with a frustrated fellow resident of the “epicenter of wall-shaking whoopee.”

“I’m not sure what they were doing, but the woman was moaning and screaming, ‘Oh yeah, oh, do it to me,” he said. “I’m not a prude but there are kids in the building, and it was just a ridiculously loud amount of noise being made that the first time another woman yelled out her window, ‘Shut your f–ing windows you whore!’”

Elsewhere, a Bed-Stuy resident called their building’s randy racket a health hazard, saying “This is a chronic issue. I am a very sick senior that needs assistance with this matter.”

Over in Marine Park, it’s the seniors who are responsible for the sexy sounds. A man who lives on East 34th Street told DNAinfo that his 71-year-old neighbor has marathon sex sessions around 2 or 3 AM and “could be the poster child for Viagra.”

Head over to DNAInfo for the full interactive map to see if your neighborhood is G-rated or a XXX wonderland.

And try not to be too hard on your gold medal-winning sex Olympian neighbors, k?


[Featured Image: DNAInfo]

Just one more...