If New York City had its own circles of hell, apartment hunting would surely be one of them (right between “waiting for the G train” and “the East Village during SantaCon”).

In other words, there are tons of things we would rather do and at least one of them involves fake beards covered in bro puke. It’s not a pretty situation.

Fortunately, PlaceILive is here to make the process bearable (maybe even enjoyable), whether you’re headed to a new ‘hood or a complete NYC newbie. Check out the 7 maps below for an in-depth look at a few of the most important factors to consider when finding the perfect place to live.

1. Rent: It’s too damn high, but you already knew that.


While your friends in the Midwest are living in castles on their barista salaries, you’re working 80-hour weeks and living in a closet-sized room that may have once been an actual closet. Who needs windows?

2. Mortgage: There’s life outside of renting, but good luck affording it.


Looking to buy? Steer clear of Staten Island. It has more molten red than the inside of a volcano during a virgin sacrifice.

3. Noise: Your options are loud, very loud, and extremely loud.


On the other hand, Staten Island is pretty blissful if you’re looking for peace and quiet (or whatever passes for it around here). For a more detailed examination of NYC’s aural intensity, check out the noise complaints map.

4. Air Quality: “I didn’t inhale” doesn’t apply here.


Sorry, you have to inhale if you want to continue existing, but at least this map (and this more comprehensive one) will help you find the best possible place to do it.

5. Crime: The stuff your parents warned you about.


Despite its big bad reputation, NYC is actually one of the safest major cities in the country. But that doesn’t mean the streets are regular meetings of free spirited citizens weaving daisy chains and singing Kumbaya.

6. Internet Speed: Because cat videos don’t just load themselves.


You have a busy schedule of stalking exes on Facebook, ordering from Seamless, uploading selfies to Instagram, and pirating HBO shows to maintain. High quality Internet is a must.

7. Life Quality Index: The ultimate guide to the good life in NYC.


Sure, some places score higher than others, but at the end of the day you’re in New York City – and what could be better than that?

[Featured Image: PlaceILive]

  1. […] is good news for those of us hunting for NYC apartments. Well, for those us hunting for New York apartments who can’t afford to buy groceries but […]

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