New York is a city full of people getting laid. In 2004, a study found that 57% of sexually active New Yorkers had sex in public places or out of doors, which begs the question — where is everyone doing it? The majority of us might be bumping uglies in the wild, but however adventuresome we might be in the sack, we aren’t exactly up to gabbing about it. With that in mind, we’ve pulled together a list of 7 great places in New York for you to have sex in public. A word of warning: Dude. Illegal. Gross. These are hilarious suggestions. Bump and grind in public at your own risk. Etc. And now, to the coitus!
1. Central Park
This is an obvious one, but with all the underbrush and hidden corners we were loath to exclude it from the list. Be mindful of twigs, bugs, and, if we’ve learned nothing else from Law & Order: SVU — dead bodies. Kinky.
2. The Temple of Dendur
Museums make everyone horny. This Egyptian artifact dates back to the days of Caesar Augustus, around 10BCE, and is one of the more picturesque exhibits in the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Fuck like an Egyptian.
3. Serendipity 3
After this legendary ice cream shop’s frrrrozen hot chocolate your bones will need a little chafing, so where better to get your better freak on? Be aware that this could mean going in flagrante delicto in front of grannies and small children. If that’s a pro or a con is between you and the furry buddha in the sky.
4. Any Subway Sandwich Shop Bathroom
There is nothing sexier than the smell of freshly baked loaves of Italian herbs and cheese. Plus, most of their bathrooms lock, making this sandwich chain perfect for a quickie. Fan of post-coital snacks? Grab a six inch on your way out! *Obligatory six inch joke that we are too classy to make goes here*.
5. The 7 Train
Arguably the worst of all the trains, this boring chain of tin cans tends to be full of angry people headed for Times Square or the bowels of Queens. Spice up their life and forget your own for a little while by seeing just how quickly you can clear a car. Cleansing wipes optional but recommended. Ain’t nobody want a SSTD (…subway sexually transmitted disease…WHATEVER IT WAS FUNNY).
6. The Staten Island Ferry
It ain’t the size of the ferry — it’s the motion of the ocean. History buffs and patriots will also appreciate railing their partners from behind while locking eyes with Lady Liberty. AMERICA!
7. St. Patrick’s Cathedral
Talk about getting closer to god. This one is a must for any repressed former-Catholic with a latent naughty streak (so, every former-Catholic). Make those pews rattle! Speak in tongues! Odds are they powers that be will have your exorcised anyway – why not make the most of it?
[Featured Image: Pedrio Ribero Simoes/Flickr]