New Yorkers take being from New York pretty seriously, but can you blame us? Sure, we all love to argue about how New Yorkey we are and that probably gets a little tedious to outsiders, but it’s just because being from New York is hard work and we like our hard work to be rewarded.
Someone important once said that if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere – so the more opportunities we get to congratulate ourselves for having the chutzpah make it in NYC, the better. If that means taking endless BuzzFeed quizzes to prove our New Yorkiness, so be it. We are willing to make that sacrifice.
But not today. Today, we’ve put together a list of 16 things that guarantee you’re not from New York City, because if there’s one thing every New Yorker can agree on, it’s that we never tire of talking about how we’re better than everyone else. Sorry not sorry, but you’re definitely not from New York City if:
#1 When you hear a bang, you’re 100% sure it’s a firework and not a gunshot.
It could go either way, really.
#2 You listen to these:
The right time for New Yorkers to cross the street is ANYTIME THEY *$&@ING WANT.
#3 You’ve never had a breakdown in public.
It’s basically a rite of passage.
#4 You’ve never been annoyed by a tourist.
Image: Seth Werkheiser
Pro tip: If you haven’t been annoyed by one, you are one.
#5 You’ve never eaten a slice like this:
The fold is the superior method of slice consumption. Fact.
#6 You’ve actually been to the Empire State Building or the Statue of Liberty.
For all a New Yorker knows, the Statue of Liberty is just a thing somebody made up for the Planet of the Apes movie.
#7 You would only open one of these in an actual emergency:
It’s rush hour, you just got off work, and it’s 200 degrees in the subway. That is a legitimate emergency.
#8 You make eye contact on the subway.
Image: See-ming Lee
A bear, your gynecologist, a New Yorker on the train: three creatures you should never lock eyes with.
#9 You’ve never done this to avoid a mixtape or a religious pamphlet:
Keanu’s got nothing on a New Yorker. Nothing.
#10 You say sorry when you bump into someone in Times Square.
Video: Bobby Webster
The proper response is something more like this.
#11 You’re in Times Square in the first place.
#12 The word “SHOWTIME!” on a crowded train doesn’t instantly make you fear a concussion.
You will learn, Padawan. You will learn.
#13 Your corner bodega doesn’t know you by name. You don’t even know what a bodega is.
Image: Paul Lowry
You also don’t know the cat’s name. Because there’s always a bodega cat.
#14 You get in the subway car that’s empty during rush hour.
There’s a reason that car is empty. And you probably don’t want to know what it is.
#15 You’ve never been late to work or class because of a street fair, a movie filming, or an ethnic parade.
Image: Eric Gros
On the plus side, funnel cake is an awesome breakfast on-the-go.
#16 You don’t know who this man is.
Image: Ethan Hein
He is a New York City treasure. Educate yourself.
What did we miss? Tell us on Twitter.
[Featured Image: Peter Cigliano]